Island of the Sequined Love Nun
Christopher Moore's Guide to Survival on a Micronesian Island
Jan 31, 2008
What can be said about Christopher Moore? Crazy is the first word that comes to mind. Second is, wow. With titles like The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove and Island of the Sequined Love Nun how could he not be just a little off his rocker? In any case, he crafts a thoroughly enjoyable read in Island of the Sequined Love Nun. It has just enough mystery, intrigue, organ harvesters, and talking fruit bats named Roberto for any person wanting to read about cargo cults and the Shark People of Micronesia.
Christopher Moore uses his hero, Tucker Case, as the definitive example of what to do when you crash your boss’s pink jet and have to flee the country to work for a shady missionary doctor on the island of Alualu.
Christopher Moore's 10 Steps for Survival on the Island of the Sequined Love Nun
- Step One: Don’t forget the survival pack that your buddy, Jake Skye, international man of piloting and hi-jacking 747’s, has packed for you.
- Step Two: Don’t, under any circumstances, yank out the catheter on the count of three.
- Step Three: When in Micronesia, always hire the first cross dressing prostitute named Kimi that you meet. The girl-man will prove to be highly invaluable later on in your adventure … so will his talking fruit bat, Roberto.
- Step Four: ALWAYS check the weather before departing for Alualu in a small fiberglass skiff … no matter how much Kimi, now your navigator, tells you he can smell the weather coming. When the typhoon hits, make sure to listen to the apparition that appears. You’re not crazy. He’s there to help.
- Step Five: When your boat drifts to Alualu don’t be alarmed when you wake up hanging upside down in a tree waiting to be eaten by the town cannibal and outcast, Serapul. He really is a nice guy. He and Kimi will form a special bond; don’t ruin it by offending him.
- Step Six: When you finally do get to meet your boss and his pretty new wife remember that no amount of money can buy happiness when organ harvesters are around. Especially when his pretty wife, Beth, has six different personalities and fancies herself the Sky Priestess of the Shark People.
- Step Seven: Remember that golf is still played on Wednesdays. That driver will come in handy against a Japanese ninja.
- Step Eight: After finding out that your boss wants to harvest your heart and lungs, don’t hesitate to leave. Kimi and Serapul have been building a boat. Don’t forget to take Sepie, the mispel (prostitute), with you. She’s good company. Also, listen to that pesky apparition again. If he tells you the Shark people are building ladders, believe him. It makes the ending of your adventure tangible.
- Step Nine: Your boat will float all the way to Hawaii. Make sure to stay in a five star hotel to make Sepie happy. She’s never had so much luxury. Also, when you and Jake Skye hijack the 747, don’t panic about not having enough runway on Alualu to land. There is enough. Have some faith. Oh, and don’t worry about the fighter jets, they won’t do anything anyway.
- Step Ten: Save all the Shark People from your boss and his wife. They’ll be waiting for your plane with their ladders. And all that money you stole from your evil bosses? Use some of it to buy land in Costa Rica for them. They’ll need a home … and so will you. You’re an international criminal now and will need a place to live in a non-extradition country.
Moore, Christopher. Island of the Sequined Love Nun. New York: Perennial, 2003. ISBN: 0-06-073544-9
